the "be here now" experiment

I know, I know…it’s been way too long. But I’m...

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:47:10 -0500

I know, I know…it’s been way too long. But I’m back! It’s not like I haven’t been practicing mindfulness the past month and a half…just that I haven’t been mindful about posting anything. Which is why I’m here again and treating you to a pic of my new tattoo. (My pal Naz designed it, and Andrew took the photo.)

Peace is Every Step is the name of my fave book by Thich Nhat Hanh, someone I’ve learned a ton from. He’s kind of my mindfulness go-to-guy. Check him out, and I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Why did I get the phrase tattooed on my body? Because I need all the help I can get lately to remember that I have a choice, in every moment, about how I want to experience life. I’m trying really hard to get into a regular meditation practice and to be thoughtful in my day-to-day approach to work, relationships, driving…everything! And I’m always writing reminders on my hand, which makes my friends giggle. So it makes sense that I would write the ultimate reminder in the most ultimate way possible: permanently.

Remembering to remember is the hardest!

Wed, 20 May 2009 13:07:42 -0500

Things are pretty tough here at ChronicBabe HQ. I can’t go into details, but suffice to say, most areas of my life are problematic right now. There’s lots to think about, many decisions to make, lots to do. And I’m stressed to the max.

What happens when stress whomps us? We forget to practice. Or at least, I know I do. (I hear that I’m not alone in this!) We forget that mindfulness and the idea of taking things one at a time is something that must be practiced daily so it can become ingrained as a habit, not simply an ide al.

Wow, am I there. I haven’t been practicing very well lately and the stress really got to me yesterday. Two friends, separately, told me to remember my mindfulness practice and take things one moment at a time.

One pal said something like, “look, this is a bad situation, but here’s what you need to do TONIGHT: go home, eat a good dinner, watch a bad movie, take a hot bath and go to bed early.” Wow, was he right! By 9:45pm I was in my jammies chillin’ and thinking about sleep.

Another friend called just then and we caught up on each other, and then she said, “Jenni, this is the time for mindfulness. Instead of trying to solve everything at once, focus on one thing - the one that’s right in front of you - and appreciate the good in it. Dwell on that for a moment. And then you’ll feel more peaceful and ready to tackle some of the other stuff, one step at a time.”

Do I have awesome friends or what? They were both right - I needed some serious self-care, and a separation from the issues at hand. Not a DENIAL but a momentary escape, one that would nourish me and help me feel stronger and more secure, and more centered.

And so today I feel much better. Yes, those same issues still exist, and I’m still trying to figure them out. And yes, it’s stressful. But I’m going to take time every day to chill out and focus on something positive and try to pull myself back into the present moment, instead of freaking out about what’s to come.

TMI? I don’t know. I suppose I hope that my experience will resonate with you and help in some way. XO, Jenni

Thinking back on the past month of mindfulness

Tue, 12 May 2009 17:51:50 -0500

This 30-day experiment has been terrific. I learned so much from trying to be mindful every day. It was a challenge to document the process perfectly (and perfection is SO overrated anyway), so after the days I didn’t write, I tried to go back and think about ways I had been mindful.

One of the things I realized pretty quickly was that by taking deliberate action to make that one small change - to be more mindful as I went about my day - it started happening organically, without having to think about it very often. I can see how continuing this practice (which I’m doing) beyond the original 30 days is going to have a positive long-term impact on my daily life.

In terms of inspiring others or impacting people in my life, it was fun to have friends and ChronicBabe readers participate. They came up with some creative and inspiring ways to celebrate the project, and I received a good number of emails from folks who said they were already feeling the positive effects of mindfulness. So I’m very happy my project had a positive impact on other people!

Part of the work I do as a health writer and advocate is create projects like this, so it was fun to be part of one that someone else kicked off (thanks, Angie!); it was nice to participate instead of lead, especially with a goal of mindfulness, which is something you can’t “force” or “schedule” - you just have to keep it in mind and keep practicing. It was lovely.

Thanks to everyone who joined in! And I’ll keep this blog going, so if you want to join the fun even now after the original 30 days have passed, please feel free. Peace, Jenni

Ricky joined the Be Here Now experiment today, and she’s a...

Thu, 07 May 2009 11:00:00 -0500

Ricky joined the Be Here Now experiment today, and she’s a huge inspiration to me. (She’s the creator of BedBound.org.) Here’s her story:

I’m bedridden and have a computer mounted so I can use it in bed (there’s a photo on this page that shows the screen mounted above my bed). I spend a lot of time using the computer and doing internet related things - having the ability to do that is fantastic because I’m able to accomplish so much with the computer and net access, things I could never do without it. The computer and internet enriches my life hugely and without it I would have only radio/TV/CDs for company, not something I like to contemplate.

But on the other hand using the computer so much does sometimes lead to me almost forgetting where “here” is in a way! It’s like my mind ends up in the internet and doing ten things at once and I end up not getting anything done because switching between ten tasks is very inefficient.

So I’ve put my “be here now” on a sign below the computer screen and added a big arrow pointing down towards me. The photo above shows the view from my perspective: The green at the bottom of the photo is the bedclothes over my knees. So the sign is reminding me to be *here* - in my body, in this place and this time and not all fragmented inside the internet. The net is great, but there’s an importance to being *here* too.

Thank you very much for this project - I’m loving everybody’s stories and photographs.

Ricky, thank YOU for being part of the project and keeping me inspired. Awesome!

“J” also joins us today, a fellow ChronicBabe who...

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:38:09 -0500

“J” also joins us today, a fellow ChronicBabe who knows what it’s like to live with illness - and the challenges it poses to our ability to be fully present throughout the day. Here’s what she has to say:

For me, “be here now” means getting out of my “headspace” and into “meatspace.” I am one of those people with an imagination, and who focuses too much on the negative, so between the two I’m constantly thinking about what could have been, or what I want to have happen - even if it’s not realistic. I’m also prone to depression, and being home for the past six months due to my lupus diagnosis has definitely not helped with any of these things!

“Be here now” means focusing on the things happening in the moment, as well as the good things in my life - not just wishing things could be different or wishing for things that can’t (at least at this point) happen.

So true, J. Sometimes it all comes down to this very basic, true point: it’s about focusing on the positive and the present. Thanks for the reminder!

Lindsay joined us today (well, OK, a couple days ago but I got...

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:33:32 -0500

Lindsay joined us today (well, OK, a couple days ago but I got behind on email while I focused on other pressing tasks!) and she has great insight to offer:

Growing up with a chronic illness, you’d imagine I’d be awesome at it
by now. I’m not. This past year has been one of my most difficult -
not because of flare-ups, but because of the new balance I’ve had to
create for myself as my mom battled breast cancer and I became a
first-time mom.

I’m almost halfway through my maternity leave (here in Canada, we’re
lucky enough to get an entire year off to get to know our babies) and
I feel so much pressure to do things RIGHT. More and more, I’m
realizing that my definition of ‘right’ needs to change, especially
when my energy is limited. It’s so much more important to live in the
moment - to enjoy time with my husband, my baby girl, my mom, my
friends and family - than it is to have a perfectly clean house or a
perfectly balanced made-from-scratch meal.

I’ve spent the last decade working at ad agencies, so I’m a master
multitasker (and thrive on stress and drama). Much of this year is
being spent de-programming, and learning to be present in each moment.
When I play with Briony, I work at *just* playing (and turning a blind
eye to the dusty baseboards a few feet away from where we’re lying on
the floor). And you know what? It’s making my life so beautiful.

I want to become more and more deliberate with this effort, which is
why I’m so excited to join the “Be Here Now” project.

Yesterday was a great day for ChronicBabe stuff. I spent the...

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:09:09 -0500

Yesterday was a great day for ChronicBabe stuff. I spent the afternoon at Flashpoint Academy with Elena Rubin, my “magical audio princess” (a.k.a. sound engineer/producer). We recorded two episodes of my upcoming ChronicBabe podcast, which I’m SO excited to launch finally!

The thing about recording audio (or pursuing any creative activity) is you can’t multi-task. There was no tweeting or answering email, no making or taking phone calls. There was only thinking, and speaking, about a very specific topic.

It was wonderful. Yes, I fell way behind on email yesterday, but it was worth it to be fully present in that moment with Elena. The results will speak for themselves, I believe.

What if we operated in this way every day? I know it’s impossible to expect that we can be fully present in every moment, but what if we gave it a shot at least once a day? What if we picked a specific task and just focused in? Would we see greater results? Would we feel more satisfied, more relaxed? I think this experiment has shown me the answer.

Are we too distracted? This author seems to think so. And I have a hard time disagreeing.

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 13:08:33 -0500

Are we too distracted? This author seems to think so. And I have a hard time disagreeing.

I have to "be here now" in my bed.

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:15:37 -0500

Because I’m pooped, my friends. Yesterday was a terrific day, spent at the DePaul Chronic Illness Initiative annual symposium; the night before, I had a lovely dinner with fellow writers Paula Kamen and Laurie Edwards (plus I moved offices). And today, among other things, I spent three hours in studio at Flashpoint Academy recording two episodes of the upcoming ChronicBabe podcast. It’s been a whirlwind!

I have a few things I’ve wanted to post about here, but I didn’t have time to dash away from any of my goings-on to hop on the computer.

And doesn’t that just say it all? My tolerance for multi-tasking has shrunk to miniscule size during the past month, due in large part (I believe) to this experiment. Sure, I still love to send Tweets and emails and write blog posts and call folks, but when I’m doing something, I focus. FOCUS. On that thing I’m doing.

It’s kind of wonderful. I feel like I’m accomplishing more. (OK, less email, though, which is an issue that must be addressed.) And I feel like the things I’m doing are done well which is even more important!

So tonight, while I’m tempted to upload photos from dinners and meetings and recording sessions and write a bunch of stuff, I recognize that it’s more important to get some sleep. There will be time tomorrow for posting, and anything I want to say can keep until then. Now: bed.

I am here now. Right now. In “The...

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 11:29:29 -0500

I am here now. Right now. In “The Internet.”

It’s the name of the new co-working space that I’ll share with four terrific guys: Andrew, Sandy, Scott and Dave. (Because we have so many company names among us, we had to pick one name to represent all of our efforts, and we think this name says it all.)

We’re creating a comfy space filled with positive, creative energy. It will take a few weeks for us all to settle in, but we’re on our way.

I’ve written before about the power of creating supportive surroundings. While there are many things over which we have no control, we do have some control over our physical situations, and I believe (and anecdotal evidence supports the idea) that we can improve our physical and mental health by making a great space for ourselves. Sometimes it takes almost no effort, and the payoffs can be huge!

So here I am, right now, in The Internet. I hope you’re somewhere awesome, too.

I have a date with a mango! An Indian mango, that is, courtesy...

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:14:54 -0500

I have a date with a mango! An Indian mango, that is, courtesy of my pals Cinnamon and Andrew. Next to mandarin oranges, mangoes are just about my favorite fruit on Earth.

This is the “before” pic. Considering how slippery my hands will be once I cut into the thing, I don’t think there will be “during” and “after” pics.

Most faiths and philosophies have a similar take on food: it should be savored, and shared. All the Buddhist teachings I’ve experienced emphasize that food should be prepared and enjoyed with a certain reverence and focus that is completely absent from how we operate here in the U.S. I know I typically wolf down my meals, especially when no one else is around.

So tonight, I have a date with a mango. I’m a total noob when it comes to cutting mangoes, so Andrew drew me a helpful diagram and explained the process in detail. (In fact, considering how little I know about cutting a mango, there’s no way I CAN’T be totally present during the process!) My plan: to follow his instructions carefully, and then slowly, deliberately, and with great enjoyment, eat this fantastic mango. And give thanks, for delicious fruit and awesome friends.

today is a great day to practice mindfulness.

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 15:34:49 -0500

Or so I am told. I’m feeling super-scattered and un-centered and lots of other hyphenated negatives. But the great teachers tell us that today - like any other day - is a great day to practice mindfulness. It’s a great day to be here now with whatever emotions or experiences we’re having.

So I spent a few minutes listening to this loving-kindness meditation by Sharon Salzberg (otherwise known as “metta” meditation), which actually did calm me for a few moments. I’ll probably listen to it again a few more times today; just like rebooting a computer, I’ll keep rebooting my spirit.

Can you be in love with a song? And, was I really mindless? Or mindful?

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:04:37 -0500

I ask this question a lot, especially of my friends who are music-obsessed…I’ve never gotten a satisfactory answer, but I guess it doesn’t really matter, because I KNOW you can be in love with a song.

There are lots of songs I just melt into; others boost my mood, or soothe me when I’m freaking out…and some I can listen to over and over and over throughout the course of a day. Today’s: Josh Rouse, singing “O, I Need All the Love.”

This weekend I didn’t post anything here, mostly because I thought it was kind of a mindless weekend. I don’t mean I was out of my mind, or totally thoughtless - I just didn’t make specific time to be mindful.

But today, when I really think back, I realize I was VERY mindful during lots of moments. Enjoying a leisurely lunch with friends, I was totally there with them, thinking about nothing else - just tacos and good conversation. At the local shoe store browsing the new Naot creations during a trunk show, I was 100% into shoes, talking with the rep about styles and construction and fit. And of course, I listened to loads of music, many times abandoning everything else and just tuning into my earphones. So I WAS mindful. Enough of beating myself up for not being a “perfect” mindfulness practitioner!

Anyway, back to songs. Can you be in love with them? YES! I am in love with Josh Rouse’s music, especially today’s pick, and I’m going to go listen to it, turning off everything else for 3.5 minutes and just focusing on the beauty of it. I will be here now, with Josh, and my headphones. How about you?

Michelle, a fellow ChronicBabe, is in one the experiment, too....

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:32:30 -0500

Michelle, a fellow ChronicBabe, is in one the experiment, too. She sent an older photo, highlighting how often we have “be here now” moments without actually realizing it at the time. I wonder how many I’ve had? Makes you wonder how many you’ve had too, right? Michelle tells us:

I didn’t even realize it at the time, but this was one of my first “Be Here Now” experiences. You can see it in my smile, my bare feet, the way my body is positioned. It was at Portland Head Lighthouse on the coast of Maine during the summer of 2008 that my boyfriend and I decided to take a three-day excursion. The day that we visited the lighthouse, all of my worries and fears and aches and pains seemed to cease. This was a comfortable place for me, a peaceful place, despite the fact that I had never been there before. I stopped obsessing over the fight we had had last night or the long car ride that we would have tomorrow or the fact that I’d have to go back to work soon or…

I just was. I remember climbing rocks and dipping my toes in the ocean. I remember walking on a trail and talking to other travelers. By the time we left, we had unknowingly spent hours there. For a non-nature-lover like me, this was huge. I had prepared for this moment (sunscreen, sunglasses, a hat which was taken off for the photo shoot) but all I can really remember about this day was an overwhelming sense of calm.

As a chronic illness sufferer, I am often forced to live my life in moments rather than experiences since it seems like each day is never wholly “good.” But this one was. I didn’t have a migraine, despite the bright sunlight, the heat, and the humidity. I wasn’t rushing to the bathroom, cursing my IBS. It was one of the best days of my life. For once, I was just there. And I want to learn how to be here now.

Chrissy is the latest to join the Be Here Now experiment....

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:26:54 -0500

Chrissy is the latest to join the Be Here Now experiment. Here’s what she says:

With the Spring weather being so erratic I take every chance I get to be outside. My body does not always allow for me to go for walks or bike rides, so often I find myself laying on my fire escape. Here, looking up at the blue sky, and listening to the tinging of wind chimes I can be fully present without the distractions of e-mails or cell phones. It’s not the most scenic or beautiful place, but I still appreciate its value in my life and how it allows me to be mindful of the moment.

What Chrissy says reminds me today that I can have a little peace no matter where I am, no matter what else is going on around me. I just need to focus for a moment on something positive. What a fantastic reminder on this gray day!

A lot of "being here now" involves self care

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:51:06 -0500

A trend is popping up in my posts here: Many of them are about self care. Whether it’s getting a pedicure or hair color or taking a relaxing bath…so often, I’m finding time to be mindful and present when I’m doing something to take care of myself.

Hmm. Makes me think about the value of self care. When I take action to care for my body and mind, it’s a healthy move - that I already knew. But there must be a connection with mindfulness, too. Maybe it’s the moment that I decide to be good to myself that triggers it, or maybe it’s the action of doing something healthy and reaffirming…I’m not sure.

Whatever it is, it works. So, note to self (and, dear readers, to you too): taking good care of yourself - treating your mind and body well - is great medicine. I don’t understand all the mechanics of the connection, but I don’t really need to; either way, I get all the benefit. And so will you!

Yup, it’s new hair day. That’s me with my...

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:42:00 -0500

Yup, it’s new hair day. That’s me with my super-colorist, Pam, at her salon, Trianon, in Chicago’s beautiful Lincoln Park neighborhood. She’s been caring for my hair for at least 10 years, if not longer, and it’s all her fault I’m a redhead now. ;)

One of the best things about seeing Pam and the folks at Trianon is how comfortable I feel there. I silence my cell phone, relax in the most comfortable salon chair I’ve ever experienced, sip some white tea with orange essence (and sometimes sweeten it with a stick of rock candy - indulgence!) and just let her work her magic. We talk, and maybe I’ll read a magazine or book; there’s lovely music and a gorgeous crystal chandelier that reflects light throughout the space. Everyone’s friendly and cheerful and creative - and thoughtful about everything they’re doing.

It’s a beautiful, relaxing environment and a great place to practice mindfulness. I abandon all my cares and relish the little moments: a cup of aromatic tea, warm water on my head as I’m shampoo’d, the sounds of friendly conversation. I breathe it all in and I’m completely immersed in the experience. I’m there, right at that moment. Getting my hair did with Pam. Gorgeous!

A fellow ChronicBabe Joanna joins us today. Aren’t her...

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:02:05 -0500

A fellow ChronicBabe Joanna joins us today. Aren’t her shoes simply adorable? Here’s what she says about the Be Here Now experience:

I work with kids on the autism spectrum, and each day brings new and different challenges… I love it. My message is written on elementary-school lined paper, sitting on top of my crazy jam-packed planner…but topped off with my pretty sparkly shoes. They definitely help to make any pain move to a back-burner, if only for a moment.

Joanna has an excellent piont - mindfulness can be a truly awesome pain management technique, and it’s one I use frequently in my own life with fibromyalgia. I wish I could teach it to everyone I know who lives with chronic pain!

Want to join the Be Here Now experiment? Just email me a photo (check out what other folks have been sending in as examples) to chronicbabe @ g mail . com and include a little explanation that I can share. Thanks!

Tootsies. Little piggies. Whatever you want to call them, my...

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:30:00 -0500

Tootsies. Little piggies. Whatever you want to call them, my toes are troublemakers. I have Raynaud’s Phenomemon so I have to wear wool socks about nine months a year. Chronic foot pain means my toes are always complaining - even with wearing sensible shoes at all times.

But I love my toes! I love that they’re long and lean, and that the second and third right toes are webbed. (I lost track years ago of how many people have suggested I separate them.) Even though they cause me lots of problems, they still get me around.

So today I celebrated my toes by getting a pedicure. As I sat in the comfy lounge chair while Amanda worked on my feet, I forgot about my coffee, my book, my cell phone, the TV that played in the background. Closed my eyes and felt my whole body relax. I let my mind drift and just enjoyed the sensation of being cared for. It was divine. Just me and my toes (and, to be fair, Amanda) having a nice outing together. A delicious moment, a break in the middle of an otherwise hectic day.

P.S. Hiding behind my tootsies is a gorgeous bag by Cinnamon, and yes - that’s desk skirt she made me from the ChronicBabe fabric. She’s awesome like that.

Getting dumped can help you get more mindful, as it turns out :)

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:20:00 -0500

My pal Sarah sent me this message today, which she kindly let me reprint here, because it has a great sentiment for everyone to think about:

I think your Be Here Now project is pretty cool. After I got dumped by John one of the things that I did to try to heal myself was to start taking Daily Photos - this is one of my favorites because I know the light that I captured in my photo that day is something I’d never be able to capture any other day.

I am inspired by Lunch Poems, a book by Frank O’Hara (more about my inspiration under “Daily Photos” on this page) and by Danny Gregory who has an amazing book on keeping a daily sketchbook which really urges you to keep a daily illustrated journal, not to record everything that’s bad about your life but to celebrate everything that is worth celebrating, and to really take time to “see” everything around you. My most recent daily sketch celebrated fat free jello pudding cups which Anne’s gotten me addicted to, and which make me ridiculously happy.

So why do I think this message makes sense in the Be Here Now experimental world? Because Sarah’s talking about taking time every day to just get centered in a moment, to use tools like photography, writing and sketching to really dive into it. She even celebrates pudding! How awesome is that?